Hot sweaty married Jesus sex!

If it's Wednesday it must be Morford going on about how since it seems Jesus was married, all of Christianity will now change to reflect His actual life. When pigs fly.

Have you heard? Have you seen? For lo, the news hath spread far and wide, hath surely confounded many a true believer and scowling priest alike, even as it induced another long and beleaguered sigh from the subjugated female species of the world.

For lo, the fragment doth quote Jesus himself as referring to his “wife,” to Mary Magdalene herself as being one of his disciples, and to “dwelling with” none other than (oh no!) a woman.
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What? Heresy! Blasphemy! Utter desecration to the hoary, patriarchal view of Jesus as being a tortured, celibate loner who would never touch a woman’s naughty bits; to Mary (and subsequently all women throughout history, forever) as being a lowly, repentant whore, and to sexuality and females alike as being lesser and dangerous, fearsome twin forces of chaos and destruction to be avoided at all costs.

As King herself told Smithsonian Magazine (I’m citing the Guardian here), the fragment casts serious doubt on the whole Catholic claim of a celibate priesthood based on Jesus’ celibacy. And that’s just for starters.

Is that too dramatic? Too difficult to believe? Hardly. It’s exactly those kinds of bleak, soulless teachings the church has leveraged for millennia to maintain control and keep women – and their terrifying, hysterical sexuality – in check. You know, for starters.

What’s more, a normalized, married, more “human” Jesus just isn’t a very good sell to the huddled, fundamentalist masses who’ve been hammered for centuries by the tragic lie that their gods are distant, judgmental megalomaniacs far separate from lowly, sinful humanity, and the best you can ever hope for is to maybe work hard enough, endure sex awkwardly enough, and pay enough money to the church so you don’t go straight to hell....

Put another way: What we don’t know about Jesus’ life, and about Magdalene as she relates to goddess lore and pagan history, what we don’t know of the true (bloody, brutal, heavily political) origins of the Christian faith and how the church founders manipulated and re-wrote everything to suit their needs, still far outweighs what we do.

The Holy Mutha Church has based its POWER over people on fear right from the start, kinda like the Repugs are doing. Neither is going to change until everybody hears God's voice booming from the heavens telling them to knock off the cheap shit and lies in His name. Probably not even then. There's too much money and power in it.