* Bush said: "Americans were still barred by law from hotels and restaurants, made to drink from separate water fountains, forced to sit in the back of a bus – all because of the color of their skin. We need to teach them about the heroes of the civil rights movement, who by their courage and dignity forced America to confront the central defect of our founding."
What he meant: "Back in the '50s and '60s, a lot of the mentors of the right-wing politicians I'm now tight with were fighting against desegregation and vilifying the civil rights movement as a sinister force for judicial activism that threatened to undermine the sacred covenant of states' rights. Well, times have changed. Fortunately, the old power base of the Dixiecrats in Congress has been transformed into the country's most solid bedrock of Republican power. Blacks can use those water fountains, but we'll keep slashing social programs and skewing the tax structures so my rich pals can get richer while lots of people will stay near the bottom of the economic ladder. And I'm not just whistling Dixie."
This is a genre rife with irony. I welcome readers' submissions. Here's one of mine:
What they say: We're pro-life because it's God's way.
What they really mean: Your womb is ours 'til the brat draws its first breath, then fuck both of you.
See how easy it is?