Charred remnants remained this morning of the large Jesus statue iconic to Interstate 75 that was destroyed following an apparent lightning strike during a thunderstorm late Monday night. -- Dayton Daily News
You ever have that fine, epiphanic moment when you realize an eyesore's an eyesore and it's time for some, you know, housecleaning? And what better way to rid yourself of some of the more hideous crap laying about than maybe tossing it into a nice bonfire? By the highway? In Ohio? God has those moments, too.
Sure, you could argue it's a form of the Savior that's just a wee bit tacky, insulting and childish, not to mention a laughable piece of "artwork" you wouldn't wish upon a blind quadriplegic goat herder. Whatevs. As the Pharisees used to say: "No such thing as bad press, yo."
5) He is resin.
Grooooan. Today is Punday, day of pest...
6) The real Jesus of historical record, being a grizzled, husky, musky, dark-skinned Jew with short, curly black hair who rarely showered and smelled of goat droppings and dried sweat, and who had a thing for screaming random prophesies in the streets and talking about doom, fire and the unbearable hotness of Mary Magdalene, well, the real Jesus' spirit has been quite displeased with being eternally depicted as a pale, soft-focus blond European hippie in bleached-out robes who likes to give lots of there-there-now hugs while watching professional sports. Basta.
8) Two more: Insurance money. God has been eyeing the new Cadillac CTS Coupe. In this economy? You do what need to do.
9) God: "Wait, what? That was supposed to be Jesus? It looked like Charles Manson after too many marshmallow peeps and a bad peroxide job. Aw, dammit."
10) Word has it the Hustler Hollywood sign sitting atop the adult bookstore across the street from the torched Touchdown Jesus was left unscathed, thus proving (once again) that God really does like porn. And irony. Or just needs a new contact lens prescription.
19) At last! The End Times hath arrived! Wrath, hellfire, lightning, burning Jesus, oil in the seas, plagues of grasshoppers, a black president, Gary Coleman dead, the works. About time, no?
Fuckin' A. Lets get on with it.
Actually, since it had a lot of metal in it and stuck up sixty feet in the air, it was a lightning rod waiting to do its thing. If the church had had the true symbol of Christianity, the collection plate, atop the steeple they wouldn'ta needed it.
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