You might be a Republican IF.....

Loren Adams at TPJmagazine.

You might be a Republican IF…
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You find nothing contradictory about your sign that reads "Hands Off My Medicare" next to a "Government Run Healthcare Makes Me Sick" sticker on the bumper of your gas guzzling Humvee,
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As part of your boycott of all names French, you change the name of your favorite sex toy to "freedom tickler."

You think the 2000 election was fair & square when Bush stole the White House but the 2008 election was stolen by ACORN for Obama.
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You feel your duty in the war on terror is to hunt down Mexicans crossing the border. (Then you hire undocumented workers to do your lawn and housework.)
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You think WMD are still in Iraq but hidden by liberals to make Bush look bad.
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You've ever blamed anything on "Activist Judges" while supporting the Supreme Court decision to reject corporate spending limits on political campaigns.
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In honor of Terri Schiavo, you kept the deer you shot alive for twelve days.
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You make your wife wear a "no spin" t-shirt during sex.

Redundant, but it's only once a year anyway. Most of Repug women I've seen ain't exactly 'spinners' but it'd be good for some laughs if they tried it. On somebody else. Heh. The skinny pinch-faced dry-twatted Repug women are all on TV.

There are so many of these to choose from I gave up. The whole deal is Below The Fold for easy reference.