I mean, who needs that kind of noise? Her time home this summer has been a thunderstorm of slamming doors and thumpy footsteps across oak floors. She closes the refrigerator, ka-BOOM. She closes the garage door, ka-BOOM. When late to stuff, as she inevitably is, her steps ka-BOOM-ka-BOOM-ka-BOOM across the living room and all the way to the car.
It's kind of like when Elvis used to ride horses through Graceland, except louder. Yesterday, our house surrendered. And the foundation wiggled a half-inch deeper into the earth.
Attention, world: Geeks are all the rage. Lord help hunks like me and you.
Sigh...
"I have to pee," he says with a shrug, then leaves the house like he's just won a Corvette.
This used to distress his mother, this out-of-doors habit. Shamefully old school, she was of the opinion that human beings should use bathrooms whenever possible. Then she had two sons and realized that urinating outside was one of the great joys of boyhood — especially between the ages of 4 and 74. No one really understands men, especially women.
So true. Sometimes I eschew the porcelain convenience and save it up 'til I walk the dogs and can mark my spot in the woods.
Peeing outdoors illustrates the difference between men and women as well as anything: Men face out of the wind. Women face into it. If that ain't 180° out, I don't know what is.
There's more, but I'll just leave ya with this teaser:
Speaking of which, we had this discussion the other day at breakfast, two other husbands and I sitting at a fast-food stand along the boulevard as summer whizzed by.
One of the dads proposed: "Could you ever be totally honest with your wife?" at which point...
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