Went to both kinds of -Marts since they're about a block apart here.
First, women shoppers outnumber men about 100 to 1, and you're in constant peril of being run over, trampled, torn limb from limb, etc., and that was long after the "open at 10pm so you won't have to sleep in the parking lot" sale, like 11 the next morning.
I discovered the only safe haven in the store - the Men's Dept. Nobody there. Except me, three outlaw bikers, four Mexican gangbangers, and one SEAL, each giving the other total respect as one badass to another and all of us petrified to take one step into the high-traffic area of the store. Beyond the flannel shirt rack be dragons! We were rescued one by one as it came time to push the cart some more or go pay.
Have ya ever noticed how quick yer ol' lady can disappear in one of those joints? You can be one foot behind her and - poof! - she's gone, nowhere to be seen. My M.O. is to stop and stand stock still (except for dodging traffic of course) until she reappears. If she doesn't come back in a reasonable length of time, defined as when you think you've been abandoned forever, I start sobbing until someone buys me an ice cream cone and announces on the loudspeaker for her to come get me. That works well.
I got myself another year's worth of fine hiking shoes since they had the kind I love, i.e. $14.99 a pair, and a lovely pocket watch, kinda burnished pewter-lookin' that came with a 1 AAA flashlight, all for $10.48. No wonder them Chinese kids that make this shit are barefoot - how can they make any money at those prices?
7 comments:
... how can they make any money at those prices?
It ain't the Chinese kids making the money. That's why there's Chinese kids making the shit instead of American kids.
Neutie wants to change that by repealing child labor laws here. His idea of "catching up".
It doesn't matter how badass you really are. When you are standing around waiting for your wife, girlfriend, or daughter to give you your next orders, and everyone knows that is what you are doing, it is best to mute the badassitude and speak only of the most guy things to the other assembled bad asses. Cars, individual sports (as opposed to team), daredevils, celebrity chicks and how you would like to turn them upside down and eat them like an ice cream cone, are all safe and acceptable subjects. (you do want to make sure none of the bosses are within earshot for the ice cream cone discussions.)
I feel up the mannequins in the lingerie section and put bras or panties on my head when I'm hanging around wating for the ol' lady. Used to make her get her shit done faster but she doesn't embarrass anymore. Heh ...
I'm thinking of getting one of those leashes that parents have for kids in shopping malls so Mrs DBK doesn't lose me anymore.
CAFKIA, between the bikers and the gangsters there was a lot of showing off of tattoos, some even had colors! Otherwise the conversation was pretty much as you said.
The manager is the only one authorized to give ice cream to scared, lost, whiny husbands. :-)
I've done the bra thing too. Heh.
Post a Comment