Psy . . . what?

We take you now to the Oval Office:

Laura: Sit down Dubya, you have to learn this.

W: But why? (whining) Can't Dick do this? He's better at big words than I am.

Laura: No, you're the President and you have to tell people why things are not going well in Iraq, and with the economy, and with your polling, and with . . .

W: They are? Uncle Karl says things are going just the way I say they are.

Laura: That's part of it, Dubya. It's this psychology thing I told you about.

W: Psy . . what?

Laura: Psychology, say it with me. Sy-kol-ogee.

W: I'm still trying to get the hang of nu-cu-ler.

Laura: I know, we'll work on that again later. Right now, you have to say that John Kerry is using reverse psychology.

W: Reverse? I haven't even figured out forward psy . . . whatever it is.

Laura: (Sighs) I'll make it easy for you. Remember back in '99? When we had you tell everyone that the Clinton Economy was going bust and people believed it?

W: Yeah. (Chuckles) We had them snowed.

Laura: Well, we're going to accuse Kerry of doing the same thing. We're going to say that Kerry is talking the economy down, that he's pessimistic and that's unpatriotic.

W: That's right. (nods like a bobblehead doll) Dick said that anyone who disagrees with me is un-American.

Laura: Good, good. So try this with me. Kerry's pessimism about the state of the nation is unpatriotic and is a psychological attack on American Values.

W: Kerry's psycho and playing possum.

Laura: Close enough. (Stands as Karl Rove enters the room)

Rove: How's our boy doing? (He asks Laura)

Laura: As well as can be expected.

Rove: That bad?

Laura: He'll get it.

W: Yeah, Uncle Karl, I'll get it.

Rove: That's my boy. (Pats Dubya on the head)

Laura: (Moves closer to Rove and whispers.) Meet you in the Lincoln Room later?

Rove: Of course. (He whispers back) Will you do the thing with your mouth again? (Laura just smiles at him)

W: What did he say?

Rove: I said you remind me of Lincoln.

W: Yes, I do, don't I.


November can't come soon enough.