The possibility of adding what county officials call a military theme park arises as about 22,000 employees prepare to be transferred to Fort Belvoir in the next five years because of the federal base realignment and closure recommendations, designed to save $49 billion nationwide.
The Army is considering the entertainment venue to help offset the cost of the $300 million museum, which a spokesman said is scheduled to open in 2013. No federal funds are being sought for the museum, but Fairfax has donated $240,000.
A Florida developer has submitted an unsolicited proposal for a military theme park that would include the "Chateau Belvoir" hotel and an entertainment district with bars like the "1st Division Lounge" and several "4D" rides.
"You can command the latest M-1 tank, feel the rush of a paratrooper freefall, fly a Cobra Gunship or defend your B-17 as a waist gunner," according to the proposal by Universal City Property Management III of Orlando. The company has no connection to NBC-Universal, which owns Universal Studios, a spokeswoman said yesterday.
Those things all sound like fun, but I'd add a few for a more authentic military experience:
Walk ten miles from your luxury accomodations in the rain. Sit in a rain-filled fightin' hole in a leaky poncho for about three days with no sleep, eatin' C-rations (or MREs*) that you pick back up out of the mud where you just know some other grunt took a leak, with an itchy butthole caused by not enough toilet paper, while listening to your rifle rust. That's all there is to it. Then, walk ten miles back.
*MRE = Meals Rejected by Ethiopians.
Don a 40-pound pack that makes you 16 inches thick and low crawl a hundred feet under 15-inch high barbed wire while the ride attendant, costumed as a short-timer PFC who's laughing like a fiend the whole time, tries to blow the excess off your back with a .30-caliber machine gun that ain't tied down too good. Hint: use your shirt buttons to dig down an inch.
Board a WWII attack transport ship and steam around in circles for three days due to a broken rudder. You and a thousand or so of your closest friends will be thrilled at going past the same sea turtle twenty times. You will eat a luxurious breakfast and immediately get in line for a luxurious lunch, etc. Your luxury accomodations will consist of a narrow bunk, one of bunks stacked five high. If you're lucky, you'll be in the top one where you won't be in the way of anybody above you who tries to add to the puke smell in your 200-man windowless up-and-down, back-and-forth movin' suite. You will exit this ride by climbing over the side and descending a cargo net, with a pack and rifle, into a small flat-bottomed boat that rises and falls on the sea swell. Hint: try to time your graceful descent so you don't get caught in the sag of the net between the boat and the ship as the boat rises, or let go too soon and fall ten feet into the boat as it falls. Hint No. 2: If you miss the boat and partake of the 'water feature', ditch the pack and rifle! and watch where you come up.
Climb into a genuine antique H-34 helicopter, just like a Marine in the '60s did. Be the last one in so you can sit facing the open door, or "hatch". The pack and rifle, necessary to get the full enjoyment of these rides, will prevent you from donning the life preserver or fastening the seat belt. You won't be able to lean back, as that's a pressure-operated escape hatch, so keep your eye on the ride attendant, aka the "crew chief", who sits across the helo from you next to the hatch. He is tied in securely, so make your best grab at him if an unforeseen sudden exit from the ride appears imminent, such as during an unexpected steep right bank. Hint: when you enter or exit this ride, you will be at sling arms as you will need both hands to get on or off. Make sure the muzzle of your rifle does not get caught in the top of the hatch, so you don't fall on your back on the unpadded sill halfway in and halfway out of the aircraft.
Stand in line in your underwear for 12 "shots" administered by very professional medical corpsmen. Watch as they crank up their air-operated shot guns to max pressure. Lift your arm after the shot and watch the blood drip down your side. Watch the corpsman grin.
That's enough for now. I encourage our readers to add their own ideas for "rides" that further present the "military experience".
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