And so in the Elder Days it came to pass that a son was born unto a wealthy future King, who desired that his beloved progeny be kept safe from the ravages of the world. With food aplenty and lodging fair, the young lad spent his idyllic days making merry mischief, and many an amphibious toadling saw his wrath. Thereafter, the chump change of the once and future King’s youth was spent in idle pleasures prevalent of that time, pleasures of the nose and of the liver, and he didst merry-make in the darker dens and taverns that dotted the territories claimed by the King.
Yea, verily and forsooth an' shit! Go read the rest.