Wednesday, April 18, 2012

The Sad Drip Diet

If it's Wednesday, it's Morford on silly diets and the reasons(?) for them.

Behold, the latest micro-trend story that's not really a trend because no one you know is actually foolish enough to try it, all about how some otherwise healthy but still desperately inept women are paying large amounts of money to have a doctor insert a feeding tube up their noses, down their throats and into their stomachs. For multiple days at a time. By choice.

What they're doing, of course, is taking part in a radical new diet. You know, for morons.

The ultimate goal? No, not better health, silly. That would be far too intelligent and thoughtful. The goal, of course, is to finally fit into that snug wedding dress, so as look presentable in the wedding photos and feel happy and skinny-ish for a day, safe in the knowledge that you will immediately gain the 10 pounds back in a week or two and never look that way again. See? Marriage is fun!

Then he starts in on the junk- and fast-food corporate culture we're in.

I go to the doctor every six months to get a new BP medicine scrip. I'm going today, as a matter of fact. The doc wants me to lose weight and I'm doing it. I lose a reliable five pounds before each visit. How? About two months before I need new pills, I knock off potato chips and midnight snacks. I don't eat much fast food anyway. The doc tells me I'm coming along, slower than he would like but coming along nonetheless. As soon as I get the new scrip, I pig out for a coupla months and then knock it off again. Works for me.

I gotta have my ears unplugged while I'm there. Again. The Filipina gal that does that has waaay too much fun with her 2-liter bottle of water. I'm always a little amazed there ain't a jet of water comes out my other ear.


Fixer said...

Diet? What color is it now? ;)

Gordon said...

Old joke. The punch line is sufficient to provoke laughter from us old farts. :-)

Diet Right said...

I wonder what kind of doctor would do this? Put a feeding tube into a woman so she can drop weight to fit into a dress? Hmm.. I guess the kind of doctor that is short of cash and/or morals. What is wrong with people, we want instant fixes, pretty sure when her marriage has problems her instant answer will be divorce rather than to work on it... like she should be doing with her weight. Seriously you have a long time to prep for a wedding, to lose 10 pounds the traditional way should not take longer than planning a wedding. Proper diets - or do not diet at all, this plan is nuts.

Great blog, enjoyed.

Gordon said...

I blame TV sitcoms. Everything wrapped up nice and neat in 30 minutes ain't realistic.

Glad you enjoyed it!