You're going to love using Illegal Eagle, the iPhone app that helps you determine who's an illegal.
Step 1: Take a photo of the suspect. Then watch as the app sifts through multiple data points based on solid anecdotal evidence from thousands of interviews with police officers who have busted illegals in the past. For example, does the suspect have greasy hair? That could be a tell. It's aknown fact that illegals don't have regular access to shower facilities.
Could just be they use the same hair grooming product the rest of use on our wheel bearings.
But let's say you're in northern California, and they've just passed a similar law. You're in luck as long as you have the Illegal Eagle app. You'll be prompted with prototypical photos of people from Asian countries.
Living in Detroit? You'll be able to browse pictures of people from obscure Middle Eastern countries.
Step 3: Now the app shows you one of three verdicts. Illegal. Legal. Not enough anecdotal evidence.
The Illegal Eagle: Made in America, by legal software programmers working in my garage. And because this is America, several of these programmers were not originally born in America, if you know what I mean. (I assure you they have green cards). Anyhow, one of them came up with another app, one designed to help Congress pass comprehensive immigration reform.
It's a sort of video game called Home of the Brave. Each elected official selects an avatar and then selects what country he or she is from. Then the senator or representative has to get that avatar through a world of pain to the shores of America. Lots of action along the way daring escapes, secret roundezvous. Apparently, it's based on empathy theory or some such thing.
Empathy my ass. Make sure the payoff is measured in votes. All they care about is staying on the gravy train.