Canada Reports Huge Jump in Immigration

OTTAWA (The Borowitz Report) - Canadian immigration officials have reported a huge increase in the number of requests for Canadian citizenship in the past twenty-four hours, with over fifty-five million such inquiries pouring in since late Tuesday night.

“My only theory is that after the 2010 winter Olympics, the sport of curling is finally starting to catch on,” he said.

In other news, responding to last night’s election returns, Rep. John Boehner (R-Ohio) told reporters, “I’m so stoked I just turned the tanning bed up to eleven.”

But former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin struck a more somber note, saying that despite several key victories, “it was a tough night for Tea Party voters because it involved so much math.