PORT AU PRINCE, HAITI (The Borowitz Report) December 13, 2010 – Just when Haiti thought it had suffered every disaster imaginable, former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin decided to visit.
In the disaster-torn nation's capital, a leading government minister warned citizens to "prepare for the worst."
"We have suffered earthquakes, flooding, and disease," said Minister of Disaster Jean-Claude Mansaray. "But it remains to be seen whether we can withstand a disaster of Sarah Palin's magnitude."
Across Haiti, citizens prepared themselves for the possible devastation Palin might cause, especially to their language and syntax.
"We have seen what she has done to English, and fear that she could do the same to French," Minister Mansaray said.
Upon her arrival, Gov. Palin seemed to get off on the wrong foot by repeatedly pronouncing the name of the country "Hades."
Minister Mansaray said that he and his countrymen were fearing the worst, but hoping for the best: "Our only hope is that she does what she did in Alaska: leaves early."
Good luck, Haiti. You guys are in deep merde with her there.
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