Tuesday, April 3, 2007

Presidential spring training

Will Durst handicaps the field for 2008.

So here is our scouting report on some of the announced and presumed contenders for the upcoming political season in which everybody has faith that if just a few breaks fall their way, and a couple of opposing teams' managers get caught peddling steroids to preschoolers or bogus opposition research to the Washington Post, they got a shot. Except the Marlins and Dennis Kucinich, that is.

7 to 2. New York Senator Hillary Clinton. Like the Yankees she's become a "fan" of, acts miffed that the nomination isn't just handed to her; that instead she has to actually compete for it.

50 to 1. Delaware Senator Joe Biden. Back on disabled list with persistent foot in mouth disease. A little too comfortable flossing with own shoelaces.

500 to 1. The Field. New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson. In it for the Vice Presidency. Connecticut Senator Chris Dodd. In it for the parties. Former Alaska Governor Mike Gravel. Who? Gravel? Alaska? Cool. In it for Secretary of the Interior.

8,000,000 to 1. Former Ohio Senator Dennis Kucinich. Could lose Iowa straw poll to the straw.

I'll take a couple bucks on Richardson at 500:1, but I think that's gonna tighten up to even money before too long. I'd mention "covering the spread" but I don't want to insult Hil!

15 to 1. Fred Thompson. Warming up in the bullpen, if needed to relieve. Of course America would never accept an actor as President. Oh.

200 to 1. Former Governor of New York, George Pataki. Bad timing. Country not ready for another President named George. Severe 3rd Degree George fatigue.

400 to 1. Former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee. Bad timing. Country not ready for another Governor of Arkansas as President. Arkansas fatigue.

5000 to 1. The Field. California Congressman Duncan Hunter. In it for 2012. Texas Congressman Ron Paul. In it for Texas. Kansas Senator Sam Brownback. In it for the babies. Colorado Congressman Tom Tancredo. In it to get the illegals. Former Wisconsin Governor Tommy Thompson. In it for the cheese.

Keep in mind that it's not the odds that are important, it's the stakes. Since it's our country at stake here, no more Repugs for a coupla generations, at least 'til their war crimes are paid for.

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