2. Do the King of Saudi Arabia and Glenn Beck share a speechwriter with Saddam Hussein?
According to the cables, Saudi Arabia's King Abdullah, the world's 5th worst dictator, has repeatedly urged the U.S. to attack Iran in order "to cut off the head of the snake." Saddam Hussein used to refer to the Iranian government as "Khomeyniite snakes." And Glenn Beck has said we need to "pop the head of the snake in Iran."
Is this snake fixation a strange coincidence? Or have Abdullah and Glenn Beck hired the same guy who used to write Saddam's stuff? If so, this person needs to stop recycling their material and come up with something fresher.
4. Are Iranians a completely different species from Americans?
A cable from 1979 makes a good case that Iranians are so different from us here in the U.S. of A. that they maybe shouldn't even be classified as people. For instance:
"...the single dominant aspect of the Persian psyche is an overriding egoism...The practical effect of it is an almost total Persian preoccupation with self and leaves little room for understanding points of view other than one's own."
You see? As humble Americans, who spend every second of every day trying our best to look at things from other people's points of view, we're so completely different we'll probably never be able to comprehend the Persian Mind.
Heh. More like the Iranians have their heads up their asses just like us.
5. When did the U.S. government decide to buy keyboards that WEREN'T ALL UPPER CASE?
IN THE MEANTIME, I ADVISE ALL MY FELLOW AMERICANS TO HIT THE CAPS LOCK, ESPECIALLY WHEN TALKING TO FOREIGNERS. THEY WILL RESPECT THIS AS A SHOW OF STRENGTH.
THAT IS ALL. (Oh, and can we just bomb Iran and get it over with? I'm tired of the tease! We've already crapped up Iraq and Afghanistan -- what about the country located between them? They need a good ol' American... shellacking.)
Shellack's too messy and takes too long to dry. I suggest a coupla coats o' good ol' marine spar varnish...