Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Mitt Romney vs. dead potted plant

If it's Wednesday it must be Morford on Mitt Revulsion Syndrome (MRS).

It is not very easy to care about Mitt Romney.

It’s a bit of a phenomenon, actually. It has proven almost impossible for most Americans to muster interest in this numbly rich, exceedingly bland caricature of a candidate, a man who is almost completely devoid of deep ideas or astute observation, who stands for nothing and says nothing you can ever remember, whose last ten speeches can be rolled into a fist-sized ball of palliative mush, hurled against a wall and then observed to ooze slowly to the floor, ending in a moist, displeasing plop. Fun!

Hell, it’s easier to care about an oil stain or a rash on your toe than Mitt Romney. Even with the addition of Ayn Rand-loving, anti-choice, fiscal extremist Paul Ryan to the ticket, Romney only looks that much more the unlikable sugar daddy. Ryan does add a disquieting jolt of nasty fanaticism, though. Is it enough?

Here’s the fantastic thing: no one on the Right cares much for Mitt, either. There is no passion to be found anywhere (save for the extremists and Tea Party simpletons who adore Ryan). Even House Republicans are bored to death by him. Heartland Christians really want to care, but Mitt’s creepy Mormonism means they don’t know which way is heaven anymore. Only rich Wall Street barons are happy with Mitt. This is because they built him.

It all bodes very well indeed. When a nation is this apathetic and numb to a particular candidate, when they can’t get away from him fast enough, good things happen for the other side. Even Bush was able to galvanize the uneducated, fundamentalist right. Even McCain could leverage his bogus patriotism and Sarah Palin’s ditzy winking. Romney can’t even galvanize your grandmother in Florida. If anything, she’s furious that Paul Ryan wants to kill Medicare. Or rather, she soon will be, once Obama reminds her, fifty times a day, for the next three months.

So be heartened, liberal America. Milquetoast mannequins who inspire no one – not even their own supporters, not even the Christian right, not even House Republicans – never win major elections. They do make comforting footnotes, though. Do you think I should try some basil plants?

Try a pot plant, Mark. They'll grow anywhere.

So will his 'comments' by morning. There are some doozies already. Heh.

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