Friday, September 1, 2006

Taxi, Senator Burns?

Satirical Political Report does it again! Liquid Alert!

In yet another of his grotesque exhibitions of ignorance and stupidity, GOP Senator Conrad Burns of Montana has alleged that "terrorists drive taxis by day, and kill by night."

The truth, however, as any schoolchild can tell you, is that taxi drivers are much worse than terrorists, and actually do most of their killing by day.

In fact, Local 72 Virgins of the International Brotherhood of Terrorists has issued a strong denunciation of Senator Burns, stating that he slandered them by unfairly comparing terrorists to taxi drivers.

A spokesman for the terrorist trade union, al-Check-off Mahdues, asserted that most taxi drivers were actually kicked out of the Terrorist Academy, for being too reckless to transport explosives.

Other taxi drivers flunked out for taking the longest route between the bomb pick-up and their destination, therefore increasing the chance of being caught by the authorities.

The only worse drivers are the ones who drive the Chinese Gambling Tour buses that go through my town on their way to Reno. At least I think they have drivers - their heads don't stick up over the steering wheel. Why anybody would risk death just to lose their ass at Pai Gow is a mystery to me.

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