[I was checking cruise lines because I heard the rates are very cheap right now.
I found a Somali cruise package that departs from Sawakin (in the Sudan ) and docks at Bagamoya (in Tanzania ).
The cost is a bit high @ 800 per person double occupancy but I didn’t find that offensive. What I found encouraging and enlightened is that the cruise is encouraging people to bring their 'High powered weapons' along on the cruise. If you don’t have weapons you can rent them right there on the boat. They claim to have a master blacksmith on board and will have reloading parties every afternoon. The cruise lasts from 4-8 days and nights and costs a maximum of $3200 per person double occupancy (4 days). All the boat does is sail up and down the coast of Somalia waiting to get hijacked by pirates. Here are some of the costs and claims associated with the package.
$800.00 US/per day double occupancy (4 day max billing)
M-16 full auto rental $ 25.00/day ammo at 100 rounds of 5.56 armor piercing ammo at 15.95
Ak-47 rifle @ No charge. ammo at 100 rounds of 7.62 Com block ball ammo at 14.95
Barrett M-107 .50 Cal sniper riffle rental 55.00/day ammo at 25 rounds 50 Cal armor piercing at 9.95
Crew members can double as spotters for 30.00 per hour (spotting scope included).
Jesus Christ---- they even offer RPG's at 75 bucks and 200 dollars for 3 standard loads
"Everyone gets use of free complimentary night vision equipment and coffee and snacks on the top deck from 7pm-6am."
Meals are not included but seem reasonable.
Most cruises offer a mini-bar... these gung ho entrepreneurs offer......... get this.....
"MOUNTED MINIGUN AVAILABLE @ 450.00 per 30 seconds of sustained fire"
Sign my arse up!
They advertise group rates and corporate discounts...... and even claim "FUN FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY"
They even offer a partial money back if not satisfied....here’s some text from the ad.
"We guarantee that you will experience at least two hijacking attempts by pirates or we will refund half your money back including gun rental charges and any unused ammo ( mini gun charges not included).. How can we guarantee you will experience a hijacking? We operate at 5 knots within 12 miles of the coast of Somalia . If an attempted Hijacking does not occur we will turn the boat around and cruise by at 4 knots. We will repeat this for up to 8 days making three passes a day along the entire length of Somalia . At night the boat is fully lit and bottle rockets are shot off at intervals and loud disco music beamed shore side to attract attention. Cabin space is limited so respond quickly. Reserve your package before Feb 29 and get 100 rounds of free tracer ammo in the caliber of your choice."
As if all that isn’t enough to whet your appetite, there were a few testimonials
“I got three confirmed kills on my last trip. I'LL never hunt big game in Africa again. I felt like the Komandant in Schindlers list!”---- Lars , Hamburg Germany
"Six attacks in 4 days was more than I expected. I bagged three pirates and my 12yr old son sank two rowboats with the minigun. PIRATES 0 -PASSENGERS-32! Well worth the trip. Just make sure your spotter speaks English"--- Ned, Salt Lake City , Utah USA
"I haven’t had this much fun since flying choppers in NAM . Don’t worry about getting shot by pirates as they never even got close to the ship with those weapons they use and their shitty aim--reminds me of a drunken 'juicer' door gunner we picked up from the motor pool back in Nam" --"chopper" Dan ----Toledo USA.
"Like ducks in a barrel. They turned the ship around and we saw them bleed and cry in the water like little girls. Saw one wounded pirate eaten by sharks--what a laugh riot!! This is a must do.--- Zeke-Minnahaw Springs Kentucky USA
Finally, someone had the common sense to cash in AND solve a major problem. These folks deserve a medal!]
It's a nice idea, but it's a gag. What tipped me off was the ammo prices - if you can get 50 rounds of .50 cal. ammo for $9.95, buy all you can get! Those things are three bucks a round and up most places, and why would you need armor-piercing rounds to shoot at people?
4 knots... making three passes a day along the entire length of Somalia
The Somalia coast is 3025km (1890 miles) long. Without even taking into account the difference between a nautical mile and a statute mile, it would take about 19 days to transit the length of the Somalia coast once at that speed.
Also, the Somali pirates operate hundreds of miles off their coast so as not to shit in their own nest. At 12 miles, you might get a boatload of kids tryin' ta sell ya T-shirts, but that's about it.
So I googled up 'pirate cruise sudan to tanzania' and got - the above story. Drat.
Nice try, boys. Next time ya wanta get my hopes up, do yer homework.