Thursday, April 30, 2009

Live Whiskey-Blogging President Obama's News Conference

The Rude Pundit loves him some whiskey! Frees him up to say what he wants. Heh.

Frankly, the Rude Pundit doesn't give a happy monkeyfuck about what day this is in the President's presidency. Of course, of course, there's significance to round numbers and such shit. But, you know, it ain't like there's jackshit we can do if we don't like what's happening. Barack Obama ain't a bottle of wine that you sip and send back. But, hey, like a sickeningly in-love couple giving gifts on their one-month dating anniversary, we're gonna celebrate.

8:02 - He calls it "H1N1," not "swine flu," thus proving how he's actually Muslim. If this was Bush, he'd be telling us to shoot on sight anyone who was coughing.

8:08 - Sweet Jennifer Loven asks about quarantining and closing borders. Expect AP article on how Obama was too cool about the coming pandemic and how he needs to bug the fuck out, shit himself, and tell everyone we're fucked.

Good point. This administration hasn't used near enough fearmongering yet to panic folks into giving them what they want like the Bush cabal did.

8:17 - "We could have gotten this information in other ways," he says. Sean Hannity's forehead explodes.

8:26 - Some bald dude from Reuters asks about withdrawal from Iraq. Obama is so comfortingly boring. That sounds idiotic, but after eight years of a scowling drunk glaring at us and yelling, "Eeevil" like a senile gypsy in a 1930s film, it's just nice to hear that the President is more concerned about the minutiae of policy. We're just getting used to it still.

8:32 - He bitch slaps the Republican idea of bipartisanship.

8:41 - Tequila makes the Rude Pundit an angry drunk. It's like a bar fight in a shot glass. Good, deep whiskey works a different nerve. It's more of a massage than a slap.

"Bar fight in a shot glass" is an excellent description of cactus juice. Heh.

8:57 - Gives a list of the shit that he's gotta deal with as a way of saying, "Jesus, are you fuckin' kidding me," and he's out.

And it's over. Once again, he was the President, man, the guy who knows his shit, keeps his cool, and will not be fucked with. There was some bob and weave, sure, on accusing the previous administration of crimes on torture, but there's very little the man's gonna give away until he's ready. The Rude Pundit's said it before and he'll say it again: Obama plays rope-a-dope. That's his game. Sit back and watch who's the dopes next time.

Much, much more. Enjoy.

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