WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) - The United States Senate today unveiled details of its health care plan, tentatively called CompromiseCare™:
* Under CompromiseCare™, people with no coverage will be allowed to keep their current plan.
* Medicare will be extended to 55-year-olds as soon as they turn 65.
* You will have access to cheap Canadian drugs if you live in Canada.
* States whose names contain vowels will be allowed to opt out of the plan.
* You get to choose which doctor you cannot afford to see.
* You will not have to be pre-certified to qualify for cremation.
* A patient will be considered "pre-existing" if he or she already exists.
* You'll be free to choose between medications and heating fuel.
* Patients can access quality health care if they can prove their name is "Lieberman."
* You will be entitled to natural remedies, such as death.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Senate Unveils CompromiseCare™
Posted by Gordon at 12:59