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# 10) Ceremonially renaming Arizona "Aryan Zone" for May 5th.
# 9) Hispanics Only race across the Rio Colorado with the finish line in San Luis, Mexico.
# 8) Free passport and birth certificate inspections.
# 7) Signing an executive order renaming the holiday "The Fifth of May" for the ease of English-language residents.
# 6) Imploring Arizona residents to avoid Mexican restaurants so more Hispanics can take the day off.
Actually, that could be any restaurant.
# 5) Live law enforcement demonstrations of tasers and aluminum batons.
# 4) Will preside over a seminar teaching Latinos fun and creative ways to carry and display their passports and birth certificates.
# 3) Reminiscent of guessing the jelly beans in a jar, will hold a Cinco de Mayo-only lottery named, "How Many Mexicans Does it Take to Fill the Grand Canyon?"
Three more than it takes to fill a Ford Econoline?
# 2) Asking Arizona Diamondbacks principal owner Ken Kendrick to order players to wear home jerseys reading, "Nonracists."
# 1) Will introduce a bill in the Arizona legislature giving the Pilgrims of the Mayflower retroactive American citizenship when they invaded native American land to co-opt its resources.