How many isolated incidents?

Stolen fully and completely from Jesus' General:

Ninety-four isolated incidents

 


Dear Gen. Mikolashek,

I was relieved to read that your report on the torture of prisoners in Iraq and Afghanistan found no systemic problems. I hope it puts an end to the vile lies being spread by those who have for so long rhetorically sodomized Uncle Sam with the treacherous glow sticks of treasonous speech, but I doubt that it will. You still have much work to do.

It is doubtful that much of the public will believe your assertion that the 39 deaths and 94 incidents of torture were all isolated incidents. Indeed, Sen. Carl Levin, a Frenchman, has already questioned it.

You can't let the skeptics get you down. Stand hard behind your findings and eventually the controversy will be forgotten. I know this from personal experience.

About twenty years ago, I managed a fast food restaurant where 57 isolated incidents of food poisoning resulted in three deaths. The owners and the Health Department tried to blame it on my management, saying that it was a systemic problem. I stood my ground, placing all the blame on a few employees I called "bad apples." Sure, I lost my job, but eventually most of the people in my town forgot about it. Now, I lead a fairly normal life--it's been months since I was last spat upon.

I'm sure it'll be the same for you. Most people will have forgotten your report in twenty years. Heck, I'd be very surprised if anyone, other than a few historians, calls you a whore more than two or three times a year by then.

Keep fighting the good fight.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot
Commander, American Christian Militia