Friday, September 26, 2008

Good News, Bad News

Mark Morford. Links at site.

The good news: Proposition 8, the November initiative that would permanently congeal the state's lingering residue of homophobia and prohibit gays from ever getting married lest plagues of designer locusts and rainbow-colored frogs and sweet-natured gay math teachers who wink menacingly at your innocent virgin boy-child in algebra class rain down upon the land, appears to be failing.

Support now hovers somewhere around 38 percent of the state's sexually terrified and confused and old, most of whom live in Orange County and the farm belt and who, perhaps tellingly, say that they also support less reading in schools, an increase in half-off sales on week-old salami logs at Pepperidge Farm at the Northtown mall, and more shooting of those damn teenagers in the kneecaps for playing that gul-dang hippity-hop music so loud that it shakes the baby Jesus figurines right off the TV.

The bad news: Upon losing the election, John McCain himself will quickly retreat from the national spotlight, but there's a chance Palin will cause nightmares for years and decades to come (perhaps replacing hateful Ted Stevens as Alaska state senator), given how she's just young and intolerant enough to convince the hard right that they've finally found a "real" woman they can actually support, despite how she's basically Dick Cheney with a hair bun, and is about as friendly to the feminine cause as a reef shark to a menstruating mermaid.

The good news: The countdown of Bush's final 100 days in office begins October 11.

The bad news: The count-up of the years of savage economic, environmental, ethical and spiritual repercussions we are to suffer as a direct result of his administration's historic ineptitude is only just beginning. But hey, at least you have that new purple vibrator. Yes?

No. My new vibrator is red & chrome and says 'Royal Enfield' on the gas tank.

Much more. Enjoy.

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