Monday, January 14, 2008

Early Morning Jokes. Jokes. Riiight...

Tony Peyser

President Bush claims Iran threatens global security and the world must join together to confront them before they remain peaceful and ruin his whole friggin' legacy.


Blackwater immediately repaired and repainted trucks used in the 2007 Baghdad shooting that left 17 Iraqis dead, making it difficult to determine if enemy gunfire provoked the now infamous attack. Blackwater chief executive Erik Prince said, "The only thing we did wrong was not kill all the eyewitnesses and every relative of the victims. For that, I apologize to all my stockholders."


Twins in England who were separated at birth got married without knowing they were brother and sister. In America, there's a name for people like this: Huckabee supporters.

Race is an increasingly big issue now that the campaigns are out of mostly white Iowa and New Hampshire. A recent photo of Hillary in South Carolina had her surrounded by black men. It looked like a scene from "Mandingo: The Later Years."

Jenna Bush visited Peru on behalf of a UN program for children's assistance. Asked by a local reporter what she knew about the South American nation, Jenna admitted, "Only that my Dad used to do a lot of blow from here."

On Saturday, 900 New Yorkers stripped down to their underwear for the 7th Annual No Pants Subway Ride. In related news, GOP Sen. Larry Craig fired three staffers for not telling him in advance about the event.

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