Delaware Ohio News
All amputees being treated in Ohio Veterans Affairs (VA) hospitals will be forced to share prosthetics after Governor John Kasich formally denied a $5,000,000 grant from the federal government late last week.
Under normal circumstances, veterans who lose a limb in battle are fitted for their own custom prosthetics. Without the funds necessary to continue this program, Ohio veterans will now have to share a dozen or so generic prosthetics across the entire state.
In a speech at Ohio State University on Sunday, Kasich said the grant is unnecessary and is a prime example of “irresponsible liberal deficit spending.”
“The federal government is 14 trillion dollars in debt,” Kasich said. “I won’t stand by and let President Obama waste our hard-earned tax dollars on these freeloading veterans of foreign wars.”
“I think most of the hard working, decent people in Ohio agree with me that there are better things we could be spending our tax dollars on than war veterans crying for a handout. ‘Ooooh, I want to be able to walk up to my house to see my child for the first time.’ Please. Watch out for the land mine next time, idiot,” Kasich said. “And what are these veteran amputees going to do to stop me? Walk up to the voting booth on imaginary legs in three years? Press the button for another candidate with the arm or hand they don’t have? Not if I can help it.”
VA nurse Bonnie Bennington was disappointed by the governor’s decision.
“I bet if the money were going toward cardboard cutouts of Jesus for veterans who lost their faith, Johnny Boy would jump right on board.”
Sergeant Tim Mentos was the most visibly upset veteran during the speech. A 2004 explosion in Iraq left him without his legs or vocal cords. Lacking the verbal and ambulatory means to properly demonstrate his outrage, he signed to his son who was standing at his side to toss him toward the governor in order to deliver an elbow drop. He was caught in midair by the governor’s security detail and nearly beaten to death by guards who were wielding some of the newly confiscated prosthetics.
Ten year military veteran and amputee John Walker said this wasn’t the first time he had been raped by the government and that the new policy really didn’t surprise him.
“We aren’t surprised when politicians send us off to war and we end up maimed,” Walker said. “So there’s no reason anyone should be surprised when they put their fully functioning foot up our ass when we get back home.”
Satire is near to extinction when compared to the reality of the times. Sigh.