ANCHORAGE, Alaska -- Mark Begich, the Democratic Anchorage mayor, has defeated Sen. Ted Stevens in a closely contested, see-saw race for the United States Senate, according to Associated Press projections.
Note to Teddy: Happy Birthday, ya old bastard. Your present is that you won't be expelled from the Senate. And don't worry too much about being sodomized in prison - anybody crazy enough to pork your crusty old ass is probably in a separate facility and heavily medicated. Not to say you won't be someone's bitch, but it'll probably just be laundry, making pruno, stuff like that. Don't tell 'em yer teeth come out though, or you will be just a series of tubes.
Note to Moosebreath: Sorry, bee-yotch. You won't be able to appoint yerself replacement senator. You'll have to run for it in 2014. I hope you have to 'run for it' long before that. In the meantime just leave us some peace and quiet, in other words, STFU. Same for '10 and '12.
Stevens down. Coleman and Chambliss to go.