Wednesday, February 16, 2011

No Cash for You, Kentucky

This is something we've gone on about before, and something I'd like to see happen. Purely as an economic experiment, of course: cut 'em off and listen to 'em howl about all the government spending they hate and aren't getting any more.

A great piece by Paul Begala:

While its small-government crusaders decry Obama’s budget and government spending, the Bluegrass State is thriving on D.C. welfare. Paul Begala says it’s the perfect place for a truly democratic experiment.

Fair enough. So here's my two-word response: Defund Kentucky. Cut it off the federal dole. Kentucky is a welfare state to begin with. The conservative Tax Foundation says the Bluegrass State received $1.51 back from Washington for every dollar it paid in federal taxes in 2005 (the most recent data I could find on the Tax Foundation's website.) We need to listen to the people of Kentucky. They don't want any more federal spending in their state—and they certainly must be appalled by the notion that they're a bunch of welfare queens, living off the taxes paid by blue states like California (which only gets 81 cents back on the dollar), Connecticut (69 cents), Illinois (75 cents) and New York (79 cents).

So give the people what they want. Defy Shields’ Law. Defund Kentucky. Kentuckians are addicted to federal spending—they're the Lindsay Lohan of states, the Charlie Sheen of commonwealths (my em). Let's put them in detox. By trying this experiment in one state we can honor the conservatives' belief in states' rights, allowing Kentucky to truly be a laboratory of democracy. If it were up to me, they'd go cold turkey—not one federal dime. But that may be going too far, too soon. So, I have to ask Kentucky, with all due respect: Can we just reclaim the extra 51 cents you take from Washington for every tax dollar you send? Can we transfer our gold from Ft. Knox to, say, San Francisco? They actually like federal spending there, so holding our federal gold will not offend their moral standards. And let's put that Gaseous Diffusion Plant in...well, on second thought, keep it, Kentucky. I'm not sure what it is, but it kind of sounds like my teenage boys' room after burrito night.

We here at the Brain can definitely relate to gaseous diffusion in the, er, wake (or maybe slipstream) of All-U-Can-Eat Burrito Nite. Heh.

Hint: less government spending, less money in Kentucky for burritos. The whole joint smells only like bluegrass and horseshit in the morning. Much better.

No comments: