Friday, September 29, 2006

A Letter From Jesus Camp

Satirical Political Report

[Well, yesterday we took a close look at the daily itinerary at Camp Jesus. Today, we share an insider's view from a whistle-blowing camper, with thanks to the classic Camp Granada by the immortal Allan Sherman.

Hello Muddah, I'm in pieces
Here I'm stuck at, Camp for Jesus
Camp is really, like a prison
And they're just about to do an exorcism

Six a.m., blowin' reveille
Class at ten, Study "Devilry"
Kids all screaming, top of their lungs...
Can't understand them since they speak in ancient tongues

All the counselors, hate the Jews
And the Muslims, Confucius too
And the coaches, for sports like soccer
Say they never want to deal with a Macaca

Don't worry 'bout me, though I'm homesick
And my scalp has, just a few ticks
But there's one problem, that I can't fix...
My bunkmate's forehead has a hu-mongous "666"

Take me home, I'm, falling to pieces
Christ Almighty, I hate Camp Jesus
This is worse than, nightmare fiction
For the play I drew short straw for Crucifixion

Take me home, I'll, be a good boy
Clean my room, not, touch my own toy
These fanatics, just can't stand them
One day here seems like a whole goddamn millenium

Dearest Mother, Dearest Father
Boot camp and Anbar, would be less bother
Come and save me, come to my aid
Color War at camp is called the next Crusade

Wait a minute, they're serving hot fudge
If you defame, a liber-al judge
And if you beat up, a homo queer
You're a cinch to lock up Camper of the Year!]

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