Tuesday, January 3, 2012

"And, lo, the Lord be-eth a godless commie fuck..."


Lo and behold, the Bible has gotten too liberal, according to a group of conservatives. And it needs a little editing.

Yes, even scripture is not orthodox enough for the modern conservative. Not that it's the fault of the author(s), exactly. The group cites a few reasons why the Bible is too progressive: "Lack of precision in the original language ... lack of precision in modern language" and "translation bias in converting the original language to the modern one."

Proposed guidelines for changes to what the Lord's writers really meant:

1. Framework against Liberal Bias: providing a strong framework that enables a thought-for-thought translation without corruption by liberal bias

4. Utilize Powerful Conservative Terms: using powerful new conservative terms as they develop;[4] defective translations use the word "comrade" three times as often as "volunteer"; similarly, updating words which have a change in meaning, such as "word", "peace", and "miracle".

7. Express Free Market Parables; explaining the numerous economic parables with their full free-market meaning

8. Exclude Later-Inserted Liberal Passages: excluding the later-inserted liberal passages that are not authentic, such as the adulteress story

That must be a reference to Callista Gingrich. Heh.

Thus continueth the tradition of writing the Bible to conform to a political agenda that dates back to the first biblical writer that touched pen to parchment.


Fixer said...

"just crazy ... like what you'd get if you crossed the Jesus Seminar with the College Republican chapter at a rural institution of Bible learnin'."

Can't top that.

Gordon said...

Indeed we cannot. :-)

merlallen said...

they're going to write a Bible without Jesus? Because I'm pretty sure he was a Liberal.

Liberal Bias  said...

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