Wednesday, October 6, 2004

The Straight Poop

In our never-ending quest to leave no turn unstoned, to bear any burden, to rush in where angels fear to tread, in order that we may bring you the very latest breaking headlines so you can plan your day, we feel that we have at last outdone ourselves. From Yahoo!.

Kerry beats Bush ... in US marine latrines

Yahoo's heart is in the right place, no pun intended, but Marines call their bathrooms 'heads' in the finest Naval tradition. Other than that minor detail...

The US military, which traditionally avoids meddling in politics, is expressing its views about the US presidential race in the one place where a soldier can speak his mind freely: the latrines

The bathroom wall vents a surprising amount of anger over Bush, considered by many rank-and-file a great wartime president, and heaps a mountain of cynicism on the US presence in Iraq

"Here I sit cheeks a-flexin'. Bout to make another Texan," one rhyme reads, repeated in multiple stalls.

One diatribe says: "The only thing Bush cares about is a good fight to make a name for himself. If you think he really cares about us you're out of your fucking mind. If you really believe 9/11 is related to Iraq then you're just as delusional as the hippie that thinks there will ever be world peace.

"You're not fighting for America. You're fighting for fucked-up politics. End of story Cinderella."

Another pundit opines: "If you are a retard, vote Bush. He is too!"

Who said Jarheads are dumb?

Commenting on the marines' bathroom debating society, Lieutenant Josh Walton suggested the stalls had a loosening effect on the soldiers, especially the service's smaller number of Kerry supporters

In black magic marker, a soldier scrawled a maxim from Plato that rings true whoever wins the November election: "Only the dead have seen the end of war."
This a funny article. Go read it. Having said that, only the last quote got it really right.

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