Wednesday, December 29, 2004

Upcoming Legislation

Dan Greenburg of the New Yorker writes this article about "Expected Legislation From The President". Go read. It'll make your day. Samples:
The Healing a Divided America Act: Shocked and saddened by the divisive nature of the recent Presidential campaign, President Bush will attempt to reach out to and pacify the two warring cultures in our country. Accordingly, a twenty-foot-high concrete security wall, topped by electrified razor wire, will be constructed as a barrier between blue states and red. Democrats and Republicans will have thirty days to relocate to blue states and red states, respectively, or else they will be placed in attractive government relocation camps for their own safety and comfort.

The Tax Simplification Act: Beginning in 2005, all taxpayers in the top one-per-cent income bracket will pay a flat one-per-cent tax, taxpayers in the top two-per-cent bracket will pay a flat two-per-cent tax, and so on.

The Endangered Species Preservation Act: All endangered species will immediately be preserved by a national corps of expert taxidermists.

The Keeping Our Young People Out of Harm’s Way Act: All young persons age eighteen or over will be placed out of harm’s way in training facilities where they will be issued M-16 rifles and taught how to defend themselves in the event of an attack from a hostile power, or, if the country is not attacked, how to defend themselves when dropped off in countries desperately in need of regime change.

The Separation of Church and State Act: There will be no separation of church and state.

The last two seem to be nearly accomplished. There are plenty more. If you didn't read the article, go back now and do so.

I think this Greenburg guy's a hopeless optimist, like all those New Yorkers!

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