A Dodgers-Giants pennant fight only intensifies the bad feelings between El Lay and Ess Eff, as the late San Francisco columnist Herb Caen used to call the cities. Which makes this the perfect time to stock up on the insults compiled by Jon Winokur in "The War Between the State — Northern California vs. Southern California."
Here, for example, are comments by some observers who did not leave their hearts in cable-car land:
• "The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco." (Mark Twain)
• "San Francisco: A hand-tinted postcard left inside the house too long to molder and fade. Its ink is blurred, the message trivial." (Carolyn See)
• "Nothing important has ever come out of San Francisco, Rice-A-Roni aside." (Michael O'Donoghue)
Myself, I won't join this chorus. I love Frisco.
In rebuttal: Some not-so-kind descriptions of L.A. in "The War Between the State":
• "A large city-like area surrounding the Beverly Hills Hotel." (Fran Leibowitz)
• "There are two kinds of air: regular and chunky style." (Johnny Carson)
• "When it's 5 below in New York, it's 78 in Los Angeles, and when it's 110 in New York, it's 78 in Los Angeles. There are 2 million interesting people in New York — and only 78 in Los Angeles." (Neil Simon)
Whoops — don't want the Valley to feel left out: Bob Hope defined it this way: "Cleveland with palm trees."
In case you didn't notice, none of the comments are from Californians. They're all transplants or commuters. Us Natives love the joint. All three of us.
If you really want to know what's going on down there check out The LaLa Times.